I was holding up pretty well walking to Carson's room. I talked to his teacher for a while. When it came time to hand him over, my eyes filled with tears. His teacher looked me in the eyes and said, "You are going to be fine." I knew she was right and just shook my head and walked off. I cried a little on the way to work, but was able to avoid a big, ugly cry. I was greeted by my good friend, Ginger, as soon as I made it to the second floor. She and another friend, Jill, gave me a balloon, flowers, donuts, and a Coke. They know me well.
I hung out in my office all day b/c I wasn't really in the mood to be sociable. I decided to give myself one day and then I would visit my friends on the first floor and reach out to some other friends tomorrow. But then I received a delivery and had to go downstairs to get it. It was actually really good to chat with everyone. Darrin sent me some pretty flowers and a sweet note. It meant the world that he acknowledged how hard today was for me.
I received several texts throughout the day from friends that were checking on me. I responded pretty much the same to everyone that asked how my day was going..."Not bad. A little sad when I dropped Carson off, but I'm ok. Avoided an ugly cry." Unfortunately, somewhere around 4pm my day took a turn. I waited patiently all day to get some help getting into my computer and never got any. I knew it would be a weird day of trying to get everything working again after being off for 3 months, but I never dreamed that I wouldn't get back in at all. Then, I learned that my user was disabled and I won't be able to get any of my emails back. Picture the wheels starting to come off....
It was finally time to leave and go get Carson. I leave work at 4:45pm to have time to get Carson and then pick Miles up by 5:30pm. Carson's daycare is very close to my office, but Miles' school is not. I don't work in the town where we live. It took me longer than I anticipated to pick Carson up. The pick up and drop off system is less than ideal. It's a long walk and my heels didn't help matters. By the time, I got in the car with Carson, my feet were killing me and I felt like I was going to be very rushed to get Miles in time.
As I was driving to get Miles, I started anticipating that he was not going to be happy when I picked him up b/c he had been at school for so long. He got used to me picking him up right when school was over. As suspected, he was not a happy camper. He would barely look at me and definitely wouldn't talk. As I analyze it now, I'm sure the fact that he was worn out was the biggest problem. I listened to him complain the entire way home about how much he dislikes after school and how boring it was. He went on and on until I felt like I was completely beaten down. I was fighting the tears back as we pulled into the driveway.
I started cooking as soon as I walked in. I got about 5 minutes in when Carson started crying and Miles walked by and said it looked gross. I never should have tried to cook on my first day back.
At this point, the white flag was waving. I felt completely defeated. If I'm being honest, I still do. It was an emotional and tiring day. We all know I don't thrive under those circumstances. Here's hoping it is nothing that a
good decent night's sleep won't fix. Sadly, Darrin's schedule is crazy for the next 10 days. As he said tonight, if we can just make it for the next month and a half, things will get much easier.
On a happier note, this little guy is 3 months old today.
He is becoming more and more fun everyday. He smiles all the time, even while we are trying to feed him.
He had a great first, full day of daycare. Mrs. Kristen sent me one picture and said that he had played for a while and was asleep in his crib.
She even laid him down once while he was awake and he fell asleep. I was hoping that a room full of kids, teachers, noise, and light would make him happy. Sounds like he might be enjoying it. Time will tell.