Carson's First Selfie

Well today was the first day that I haven't seen Carson since he was born. I've been having some blood pressure issues and have actually been admitted to the hospital and sent home twice this week. The first time my blood pressure was 188/90 which is pretty high for me. I happened to be at my one week follow up appointment with the doctor that delivered Carson. He said that postpartum blood pressure is nothing to play around with and sent me to the hospital immediately. They gave me a blood pressure pill, a pain shot, monitored my blood pressure for a couple of hours and sent me home. The second time, I was visiting Carson and a nurse who knew I had been admitted the previous day asked me how I was feeling. I told her I didn't feel like myself and just felt a little 'out of body'.  She took over and the next thing I knew I had been admitted. I wasn't opposed to being admitted again b/c Dr. Gray had put the fear in me the day before about strokes and seizures.  My blood pressure was okay the second time and they let me go home. That was the first day I had driven and walked from the parking lot to the NICU by myself.  I think it was just a little too much.

Unfortunately my blood pressure is not the only issue I'm having. I'm becoming fairly convinced that I am having a Lyme relapse, which was the biggest concern about getting pregnant again. I'm having terrible headaches, neck stiffness, and joint pain, which are all the Lyme symptoms that I experienced right after Miles was born. I'm trying not to freak out. It's so concerning though. At least this time I know what we are dealing with and I've already been taking medicine for years. I'm going to talk to my doctor next week and see what we can do. Praying this is a very short relapse and that it can be dealt with quickly. 

During my second hospital stay, several of the nurses said that it would probably be best to stay home and rest as much as possible. I took their advice and didn't visit Carson today. I don't want him to go a day without a visit from one of us, so Darrin went today. He and Carson took their first selfie. If you know my husband, you know this is the first of many.

I know Carson is in good hands. I know this NICU is only temporary. I know he doesn't miss us. I know things could be far worse. And still my heart hurts to think of him up there without us. Every day gets harder and harder to be away from him. Everyone keeps saying that it will click soon and he will 'take off'. I can't wait for that day. Praying next week is a turning point for him. Sorry for the depressing post, but I really want to remember these feelings so I can look back one day on how far we've come.